I always feeling like crying lately

last night, I started drinking as soon as I got home. I did not want to be alone, so I decided to try to see double. I cooked a decent meal and set up meals for later this week. but still I couldn't help but become Drunk Vader.

It's not even if I want out of this rut. I do, I just don't know how? the key thing I seem to be missing is that people interaction. friends, loveed ones that I can call upon at anytime. or at the very least be around when I'm lonely. which is always.

I'm tired of a life that is just filling up time. I'm down to my last dollar. not figuratively, but literally. I will eat baked beans tonight for dinner.

GOD, I have to stop being so pathetic. I wouldn't want Chrissy and my Ex Wife to be right.
or Michelle, who called me a "fuck" and not in a good way.

I really wish someone would just check on me. the few that do, I'm grateful to.

and another load of crap to read

I'm not that special...I like to hear myself talk like every body else.
started this for teh fuck of it.
lets see what transpires shall we?