I always feeling like crying lately

last night, I started drinking as soon as I got home. I did not want to be alone, so I decided to try to see double. I cooked a decent meal and set up meals for later this week. but still I couldn't help but become Drunk Vader.

It's not even if I want out of this rut. I do, I just don't know how? the key thing I seem to be missing is that people interaction. friends, loveed ones that I can call upon at anytime. or at the very least be around when I'm lonely. which is always.

I'm tired of a life that is just filling up time. I'm down to my last dollar. not figuratively, but literally. I will eat baked beans tonight for dinner.

GOD, I have to stop being so pathetic. I wouldn't want Chrissy and my Ex Wife to be right.
or Michelle, who called me a "fuck" and not in a good way.

I really wish someone would just check on me. the few that do, I'm grateful to.